The Whole 5 Yards

  • November 10, 2014

MBBO Div 8
Piranhas -0 Hawks -1

Piranhas Hold Hawks Hordes til Last Minute – While Hornby Tours Antartica….well Oxfordshire

A depleted Piranha team played a full strength Hawks squad with an army of subs and gave good account of themselves. The lack of availability meant the Piranhas had to play the 2 newest recruits up front – Young Zach McCoomb in his first senior league game and Thomas Allman – who had to try and cope with a full adult defence. The Hawks captain promised he was going to put out their strongest squad – and he certainly did !

Ed Hornby was meant to play and had a relatively simple journey to make from Brackley to North Oxford – ably assisted by his handy iphone Google map guidance system. His journey, however, rivalled that of Ernest Shackleton, but without Captain Shackleton’s sense of direction ….

So with a bare 11 including 2 youngsters fighting hard on their own up front, the piranhas started the match – noticing a certain “Senator” look to the Hawks team!

Meanwhile Ed Hornby had harnessed the huskies and set coordinates for Hawks – or so he thought…….

The first ten minutes was hard going as Hawks kept the ball better than the Piranhas and moved the ball on quicker. But Andy Camp, Joe Whinmill, Finley McEvoy and Kit Lamb in goal did well to ride the pressure. Gradually the Piranhas gained ascendancy with Matt Allman working well with Gary White, Charlie Camp and Saul Bolton in midfield. Eventually winning a 5 YARD free hit outside the Hawks D (NOTE – A 5 YARD free hit – the clue is in the wording of the rule). So being a simple Scotsman, Gary White, put the ball down 5 YARDS from the D (the handy dotted line being guidance to highlight the 5 YARDS distance to the edge of the D) and proceeded to dribble 5 YARDS to the D and then struck the ball beautifully into the net …..1-0 to the Piranhas…..or so we thought. It was disallowed by the rookie umpire on the basis that the ball hadn’t travelled 5 YARDS into the D……apparently. If you’ve never seen a Piranha looking distraught and confused then Gary White’s fishy face was a great impression – sort of gawping open and closed with little sharp pointy teeth all shiny and…..well – White. Still being a sporting lot we laughed like Piranhas (as Piranhas do) and got on with the game.

Meanwhile Ed Hornby had set up Camp No 2 just on the Ronne Ice Shelf by the remote blue lapping shores of the frozen Weddell Sea.

The half continued with the Piranhas in ascendancy – Matt Allman following in the footsteps of the post hitting legend, Noel Britto. hitting the post after a great team move, and Saul Bolton having his shot cleared off the line. Clive Briant worked hard linking with Charlie Camp who never stopped running – albeit Clive had a certain Torvill and Dean look about him but more “Solero” than “Bolero” in terms of style, as he proceeded to slip and slide around the wet pitch – making Matt Allman’s “Bambi on ice” routine from Marlow look distinctly amateurish.

The second half was again even til the last 15 minutes – with Lamb, Camp, Whinmill and Briant working hard to maintain the clean sheet. As Hawks continued to roll on their army of subs in 7 minutes intervals, the Piranhas little fins started to tire, but with Lamb making some great saves – including a superb “Ross Gilkes” style collision with the Hawks centre forward – where Kit introduced their centre forward to the novelty of unaided flight. The sheet remained clean …..unlike the underpants of the aforementioned centre forward.

Ed Hornby, meanwhile, had reached Camp No 3 and was tucking into the 3rd Husky as food stocks had run out a while back.

Hawks turned up the heat for the last 10 minutes but the Piranha defence was resolute. Finally, Hawks won a short corner with 3 minutes on the clock – which they scored with a great strike.

The match finished with Hawks gaining the 3 points and the Piranhas feeling aggrieved at not getting at least a draw – Gary White still doing a great impersonation of an aggrieved, forlorn misled Piranha.

Ed Hornby managed to finish his sojourn and turned up with a rough gravelly voice (after eating all the Huskies…..subtle joke I know but some of the more astute amongst you may get it….) stated his iphone google map app had sent him on a 2 hour diversion – he was only driving from Brackley to North Oxford !! We pointed out it’d be quicker to walk…..The good news is next week we are at home to Oxford and Ed has set off already .