Came the Lame Game in Thame with only us to Blame

  • February 16, 2015

MBBO Div 8
Piranhas 1 Thame 1

Piranhas 1 Thame 1

This Piranha performance was dedicated in honour of those that have devoted their lives to the International Barn Door Protection Society (searching out vulnerable Barn Doors across our cruel and unforgiving world and putting their lives at risk so that Barn Doors don’t have to suffer the pain and humiliation of being hit).

A last minute controversial scrambled equaliser stole 2 points from the Piranhas as Thame converted a scrappy penalty corner despite their forwards kicking the ball twice in the D. Somehow both umpires missed it but the Piranhas can only blame themselves as they failed to convert their dominance in this game into goals. 8 short corners against their hosts 2 and around 75% possession should’ve put the piranhas up 4 or 5 – 0 by half time but they lacked conviction in front of goal.

Matt Allman won the Mr Pants award 30 miles away from the pitch and 80 minutes before push back (some feat) as he demonstrated a variety of manoeuvres in his car that confounded The Highway Code and reinvented the art of driving (the art being more of the surrealist genre than the traditional form – sort of Dali Vs Constable with undertones of Alien Vs Predator ). To be fair Matt was a brave ickle soldier as he sported a complex and spectacular bandage over his hurty thumb – so maybe he was suffering excess appendage throbbing – apparently you can get a cream for that….

In summary the first half was spent in the Thame half with Andy Clark and Adam Hughes running the midfield with Allen, Charlie Camp and Matt All-Fingers and Thumbs-man. But the piranha attack lacked invention and constantly ran into Thame congestion at the top of their D who used literally everything to hand to stop the ball and slow down the incessant attacks. Including their sweeper who constantly stopped the match to readjust his knee supports like some broken down Terminator. The Piranhas won a string of shorts but had little to show. Sam Bracke and Thomas Allman worked hard but couldn’t muster a strike on goal – mind you neither could any of the senior players. At half time it was 0-0 with the Thame D resembling Rorkes Drift.

The second half saw the Piranhas heed Captain Camp’s halftime observations – who set the challenge to the forwards of not gaining automatic entry to the “Barn Door Preservation Society Hall of Fame” where you can rub shoulders with such luminaries as Emile Heskey, Fernando Torres, and Mr Magoo. Consequently they heeded his advice and got the ball wide to young Camp who was turning Thame inside out, Allman, Finlay Mcevoy and the excellent Joe Whinmill. A goal was scored by Adam Hughes but disallowed and more unconverted short corners ensued. Thame had the odd foray into the Piranha half and caused a break away scare when Clive Briant cleared off the line. But Camp, Briant, Whinmill, and berserker Lamb looked comfortable. Finally the deadlock was broken with a great reverse sweep by Andy Clark and the Piranhas earned the deserved lead. All they had to do was tighten up and sit tight for 8 minutes. With 1 minute to go though loose passing let Thame into the Piranha D and a Thame forward struck but Lamb saved well and put the ball into the forwards foot – time stopped as did both teams waiting for the umpires whistle….no whistle so the offending forward struck again hitting the post and the ball rebounded onto another Thame foot….time stopped and both teams waited for the whistle… whistle until funnily enough the ball hit a Piranha foot (or fin) and miraculously the whistle went awarding Thame a short corner with 30 seconds on the clock. There followed a bizarre moment when Clark was convinced Thame would own up – repeatedly telling us in a very loud voice that the forward was an honourable chap and would own up. Captain Camp pointed out Thame were 2 points above the drop zone and there was more chance of Gary Glitter getting a Christmas gig. So Thame took their gift, the Piranha defence made a worse job of tidying up than Beth does with her bedroom – and Thame scored the most scrambled goal in the history of scrambled goals since Johnny Scramble of Scramble United scored a scrambled goal in the Scramble World Cup Final.

Captain Camp tried to keep a positive stance (albeit there was a hit single by Terry Tourettes & The Shouty People ringing loud in his head) and he gave 3 cheers for Thame as the umpire found the whistle again and blew it.

Oh well it could’ve been worse…..Allman could’ve scored or thrown an aerial….
Hawks next week – guess what routines we’ll be doing at training for 5 hours Monday night….