“Bitumen Babes” of Bracknell Tempt Piranhas

  • January 12, 2015

MBBO Division 8
Piranhas 3 Bracknell Terriers 1

Well it’s the start of the New Year – it’s the first hockey Saturday – so we must be playing away in Bracknell AGAIN….and, as luck would have it we were playing Bracknell Terriers at Bracknell HC in Bracknell at Bracknell’s Birch Hill Centre. Incredible as it may seem and, to be frank, Bracknell and its world famous roundabouts are starting to lose their novelty.

And I’ve just worked out what the MBBO league stands for – “More Bloody Bracknell Opposition”

The Piranhas wended their way through the Bracknell roundabouts yet again singing uplifting songs about Roundabouts in order to get in the mood. Some Banbury players reminiscing about their driving tests and how roundabouts added that extra adrenalin rush…..which prompted a quick Google check on whether there was a “UK Roundabout Appreciation Society”…..and….There Is!!

Its strap line is: ‘No place in the world exerts such attractive power as an island.’ (Quote from Robert Louis Stevenson). And a great welcome message which draws you in salivating and yearning for more – like a crack habit ….. “Welcome to the new re-vamped website www.RoundaboutsOfBritain.com – home to the UK Roundabout Appreciation Society. God’s Wonderful Roundabouts, they have always been with us, all our driving lives, right in front of our eyes, every day of the year. Thanks to UKRAS they are now finally being viewed and appreciated in a new light. Roads are often condemned as being scars on the landscape but with the coming of the roundabout in all their glory, they counteract the road’s unsightliness. With infinite variety, colour and creative-ness, these bitumen babes lift our sagging spirits on long tiresome trips. The roundabout is truly an oasis on a sea of tarmac. On road systems anywhere in the world there is nothing more expressive than the one-way gyratory. http://www.roundaboutsofbritain.com/about-us/#sthash.d5OZbwES.dpuf

Hmmmm….. “bitumen babes”????…. worrying……Anyway we made our way through the menagerie of saucy alluring roundabouts to the pitch and the Piranhas lined up against the Terriers.

For the first half the Piranhas were on top albeit they were conscious that it was The January Sales – and it appeared Matt Allman and Clive Briant were still at them, as they gave the ball away so many times that ball manufacturers around the world saw the ball price plummet on the stock markets. But the Piranhas kept their shape and the defence of Camp Camp and co kept any attack out which allowed the midfield of Andy Clark (fresh and fit as a butchers dog – after it had eaten the butcher out of house and home), Matt “Stan” Allman, Charlie Camp and Harry Simons to build a series of attacks which after just 10 minutes led to a cheeky flick at the far post by Simons and a 1-0 lead. This then set the tone for the rest of the half as Richard Dudbridge, Joe Whinmill and Thomas Allman fed greedily off the possession gained by the midfield and defence but couldn’t convert any of it.

Clive “Bambi” Briant continued to skid around the pitch (falling over more than an episode of Miranda) and worked hard with Charlie Camp down the wings and Sam Bracke entered the fray towards the middle of the half to add fresh legs to the attack. Eventually Clark got so bored of the Piranha attack hitting everything but the goal – he ran (yes …ran…) into the oppo D and fired a ridiculous shot into the roof of the net – to make it 2-0.

Matt “that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into” Allman, then decided to choose a moment in the middle of the pitch to provide an “aerial ball master class” to all the keen youngsters on the pitch – they looked on quizzically with young bright keen eyes – to see him look left….then right….then left ….then right….seemingly confused which way to launch the ball….at last after what seemed hours he launched it with about as much conviction as an Ed Milliband speech and after looping (and I use the term generously) through the air at the height of a stunted dwarf hobbit onto the stick of a Terrier some 2 yards away – end of lesson…. The Terriers then responded showing their teeth and snapping at the Piranhas heels and the pressure paid off with a string of shorts. But the Piranhas stood firm and defended them stoically – with Finley McEvoy excelling with a great deflection off the line by the left post. Half time came with the Piranhas 2-0 and able to relax for a roundabout interlude….

As I said – Back on the UK Roundabout Appreciation Society web site – I do think the 2015 calendar is a real steal and will whet the appetite of any woman you wish to seduce….so I say, why not save up for Valentine’s Day and give her that “special something” to guarantee you the best “bed roundabout” experience you’ve ever had – buy her – The “BEST OF BRITISH ROUNDABOUTS 2015”. The web site screams joyously and enticingly – “All aboard folks for a real roller-coaster ride of Britain’s best traffic islands. Boy have we got some gyratory galacticos for your perusal in our high quality A3 wall calendar . ‘ A roundabout is truly an oasis on a sea of tarmac.’ – See more at: http://www.roundaboutsofbritain.com/go-to-shop-2/product-category/best-british-roundabouts-2015-calendar/#sthash.UJwMVM0s.dpuf”. She’ll be gagging for more – but she’ll just have to wait for 2016…..

Back to the second half – Captain Camp lectured the team on the art of possession and passing to OUR sticks…..which Bambi Briant and “Stan” Allman promptly forgot, and relaunched the January Sales with renewed vigour. The Terriers couldn’t believe their luck and took advantage to win a short corner which they converted with a great switch move reducing the deficit to 2-1. Captain Camp provided some calming gently delivered sage advice – pointing out that we’d really like to win this match….and The Piranhas heeded the call and responded positively. Thomas Allman hassled up front to win the ball and slip it to Harry Simons, who deftly struck a reverse stick strike into the corner of the gaol to make it 3-1. The Piranha defence then had to stand up to a Terrier tornado – Harry and Captain Camp working hard with Bambi Briant, Finley MCEvoy and the Irish stalwart, Mervyn Long to keep them out,. Keeper Kit Lamb came into his own and made some great reaction saves and Long saved a strong short corner strike on the line – as cool as a pint of Guinness…..Mervyn was the epitomy of calm and cool for the half.

The match ended with the Piranhas taking the 3 points and leading the League – but the Terriers are a talented young side who pushed the Piranhas all the way……so we got back into our cars and waved goodbye to those “Bitumen Babes of Bracknell”……only another 20 matches against Bracknell teams to go…..

Editor’s Note – The society was formed by Kevin Beresford after the success of a calendar that showed photographs of 12 roundabouts in Redditch – it sold 100,000 worldwide. As of 2013, the association is reportedly trying to attract more women members, by putting a windmill on the front cover of its calendar.